Part 1 – How To Forgive: The Challenge Of Personal Forgiveness

I have learned, that the person I have to ask for forgiveness from the most is: myself. You must love yourself. You have to forgive yourself, everyday, whenever you remember a shortcoming, a flaw, you have to tell yourself “That’s just fine”. You have to forgive yourself so much, until you don’t even see those things anymore. Because that’s what love is like.” ― C. JoyBell C.

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Most of us know… no one can love us if we don’t love ourselves. We know we shouldn’t blame ourselves for things other people have done to us. And, we know we need to accept ourselves for who they are, or else we’ll never be happy. However, it’s amazing how a person can understand something logically, but not be able to connect with it, emotionally – and apply it to daily life. This is what happens when it comes to forgiveness. It’s usually harder to forgive yourself for things… than it is to forgive others. Yet, self-forgiveness is a prerequisite for personal happiness.

For sure, forgiving yourself takes time, and effort. When you do get it, it’s wonderful and freeing, but it takes practice to develop it. Most of us have thought to ourselves, “I did something awful, now I feel like there’s a big hole in me… I thought I was doing the right thing, but now I feel miserable. I’m ashamed that if others knew what I’ve done… people will judge me for it. I didn’t break any law, I just broke a personal promise. Now what?”

The guilt, could be something as simple as making a personal promise to put yourself in a situation where you told yourself, “I’m not going to get too involved with this person, that situation… so I won’t get hurt. Hey, but guess what? It happens! There are certain things you can’t avoid. Let it go. Don’t blame yourself for trusting in another… or in something. You’re human… and that’s what humans do. So you have to allow yourself to live and work through it.

I find that, to work past guilt – which is masqueraded under many masks of:

  • Denial
  • Anger
  • Depression
  • Impatience
  • Resentments
  • Materialistic ‘wants’ (as opposed to needs)…

… a person must also forgive others (not necessarily to their face) but in their heart.

Then, use the experience as a learning experience and use it as wisdom to do better next time. There is no sense in continuing to beat yourself up; you have obviously already suffered due to your actions, so say enough of that, I’m going to move on, but with the determination that doing it, will only bring me misery and guilt…, so it’s not going to happen again.

Nothing or no one is “Fool-proof.” But trust in GOD first, because there is no trickery involved with having faith in Him. Ask GOD for forgiveness. Once you get his forgiveness it will be much easier to forgive yourself.

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