Relationships 101: Breaking Free Of Bad Attachments

Sometimes it’s not love that’s the problem. Rather, it’s the wrong attachments with the wrong people.” P.Williamson

If there’s one particular thing all of us have in common… it’s the fact that we want to feel happy; and we never want to be hurt – or ever feel hurt. However, for some reason we consistently put ourselves in situations that set us up for pain.

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Especially when it comes to RELATIONSHIPS and love… we pin our happiness to people, circumstances, and things and hold onto them for dear life. We stress about the possibility of losing them when something seems wrong. Then we melt into grief when something changes: (i.e… a lay off, a break up, etc.)

We attach to feelings as if they define us, and ironically, not just positive ones. If you’ve wallowed in regret or disappointment for years, it can seem safe and even comforting to suffer.

In trying to hold on to what’s familiar, we limit our ability to experience joy in the present. However, a moment can’t possibly radiate fully when you’re suffocating it in fear.

But here’s the lesson in this post. When you stop trying to grasp, own, and control the world around you, you give it the freedom to fulfill you without the power to destroy you. That’s why letting go is so important: letting go is letting happiness in.

It’s no simple undertaking to let go of an attachment – because it’s not a one-time decision, like pulling off a band-aid. Instead, it’s a day-to-day, moment-to-moment commitment that involves changing the way you experience and interact with everything you instinctively want to grasp. The process, as we’re shown and told, isn’t as much about grieving a loss… as it is regaining our pride.

We’re always searching for the “winner,” it seems, and it is never really over until we can find acceptance not in reality of what it is to lose someone, but in a constructed idea of why we’re better when they’re gone.

When people walk out, we tend to be a bit more concerned with ourselves than we ever are with them. We’re mad that they left. We get worried. But why? We don’t know how we’ll go on. We want to know why they didn’t love us. Whether or not we’re ever going to find someone again. We know that people don’t change until it becomes too inconvenient not to. So we want to know what part of us was so inconveniencing. It’s almost a compulsion of survival.

This response is natural. It’s normal. But it also just goes to prove that letting someone go has nothing to do with actually letting go of them, but letting go of the idea that our lives hinge on the requirement that one particular person plays a role in them.


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